“If you want to be a good Mistress, learn first how to be a good submissive”, is what many say. 

At dungeons such as Salon Kittys in Sydney, it is a virtual requirement to first be a submissive. In this role, you learn the feeling of different implements, the psychological burn that an insult can inflict, and the intimate language of responsiveness in submission.

When this experience, is paired with an innate strong-willed and feminine power, then all the ingredients are there for a good Mistress.

In my opinion, a Mistress should not merely be a cold practitioner of technical expertise. She should be able to read a submissive’s most inner thoughts and desires and fears, and to weave her session and style around him. She should be sensitive and tuned-in to her slave, and inflict pain and fear only in knowledge of a slave’s psychology and nuances. A good Mistress should be imaginative and inventive, always evolving. She should build each session on previous sessions and on the trust built up over time, to extend a slave, and to expand his training into new realms. 

I have evolved myself, very much, over time. From a straight submissive to a switch Mistress in the true sense. And after all my training thus far in the arts of the dominas, there is still  much to learn. The technical skills can take a good lifetime to Master. And each slave brings to me their own individual psychology and fetishes and special spots to activate. So my slaves teach me as much as my Mistress’s training, and my sessions with Masters as a submissive.

But it is very recently, in my trip to London, that I have begun to feel like I have come into my own as a Mistress. With snowballing knowledge, confidence, and an intuitive understanding of the mind of my slave.

I do not need the same physical and psychological distance that some Mistresses insist on. Instead I relish using my power and sensual presence. To make my slave quiver in his blindfold as I run my nails unexpectedly on his back. To brush past him as I weave my shibari around his body.

To push him to his limits and beyond with a mix of imperative orders and stern words, encouragement, faith in ability to apply his will to meet the task and satisfy me, and reward and reprieve when he reaches beyond the point he was capable of.

I have evolved into a compassionate Mistress,  aware and conscious of what I do with my slave’s energy and force-field during the session. There are times he needs psychological release from his stress and a relatively high level of pain to let go in submission. There are other times he needs a more aeshetic and sensory session, of being enclosed within a cocoon of bondage and containment, and the reassurance of my voice and weight of my body in proxmity. Where inside his entrapment, his slavery, he simultaneously finds a glorious freedom. And in this journey of his, I am alongside him – the facilitator and Mistress of knowledge, in the true, mystical sense of the word.